"A Man after God's Own Heart"

A prison inmate posed an interesting question to me and it has taken a while for me to respond. He asked why in the second book of Samuel, it says that King David was called “a man after God’s own heart". David stole Bathsheeba from her husband Uriah and then had the man killed in order to cover up for it. What did David do after that to make him into a “Man after God’s own heart?” It can’t simply be due to the fact that David repented. There are plenty of good and holy people in the Bible who never even considered committed the sins of murder and adultery that David committed and yet they are not referred to as men after God’s own heart. I pondered that question off and on for over a year. As time went by and I remembered, I made notes and then compared them with Timothy’s. His were much more detailed than mine.

In 2 Samuel 12:13 David first acknowledges his sin. In Psalms chapter 51, vs 1 he asks for mercy from God, in vs 2 he acknowledges that only God can cleans his sin, in vs 3-5 he doesn’t try to rid himself of guilt, but instead acknowledges the damage of his sins and takes responsibility for his sinful state, acknowledging his helplessness apart from God. In versus 6-7 he acknowledged God as able to wipe away his sins no matter how great and then lays them openly before God; Murder, Adultery, Lying, he bears it all and comes before God in his humble and broken state. He is truly naked before God and doesn’t try to hide or sugar coat anything. In verse 10 he asks God to fix his heart and renew his relationship with him.
What strikes me most about David was that he confesses rather publicly to sins that I would tend to try to bury out of shame. David didn’t let his shame and guilt keep him from God. He lays it all out before God and in front of everybody for that matter (since he wrote it all down). No matter what the cost, he is truly open to God’s will. He abandons his own will and trusts 100% in God to take control and lead him.

David loved God’s will, even when it didn’t mesh with his own will, but above all else David loved God's presence. I pray for the grace to be as open to God as he was. To seek his grace and forgiveness through prayer and the Sacraments when I’ve sinned and to always draw nearer to him, even in the face of temptation and weakness. I ask Jesus to always make known to me three things: his love, his will and his presence.

Max Security Prison

"If you forgive others for the wrong things they have done, then your Father in heaven will forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, your Father will not forgive you for the wrong things you have done." (Matthew 6:14-15)

It's 2:00am and I'm sitting in a small motel room just outside the walls of a maximum security prison here in Beeville, Texas. The drive in tonight was peacefull, but a little earie. I was the only car on the two lane road for much of the way. These places are always in the middle of nowhere - several hours from the nearest city. I don't know why they don't put it in Highland Park or some place convenient. :)

Tomorrow morning I'll get up early and check in with security at the prison. The unit here has multiple levels to go through. First they will search my car before they let me drive on to the unit - then I'll get a full patdown and metal detector screening to walk into the unit and then another screening before I get to the yard.

I've been to this unit several times now and know the inmate I'm going to see very well. His name is Timothy. He's in for Murder and is not elegible for release until at least 2023. He's my age now, but has been incarated since he was 16. He has become an amazing Christian while in prison. (I'll write more about that tomorrow).

I got involved in prison ministry a few years ago after being robbed at gunpoint for the second time. That last time I got mugged I was actually very lucky - the guys who mugged me had shot two other people that same night. One of them pointed a gun at me and yelled for me to give them my money. After that the other one started yelling "Shoot him! Shoot him!!" I took off running at that point and ran two blocks before stoping, catching my breath, and calling 911.

I was very angry after that experience and it ate away at me for a long time. For a while after that I wanted to take one of my pistols and go back to that spot, put on a fake Rolex, and then walk around asking people if they had change for $100. Those feelings seem very foreign to me now.

A few years ago I met a woman who's son had been murdered when he was 21. She now does prison ministry and works tirelessly to reach out to inmates and their families. She has changed hundreds of lives. She was introduced to me by Connie - the director of Bridges to Life - a prison ministry run entirely by crime victims. Connie's husband was shot and killed a few feet from her by intruders that had broken into their home. Compared to these two ladies, I am not much of a "crime victim" at all. Their courage and faith though continue to inspire me.

It is quite human and natural to expect some sort of vindication or apology whenever someone attacks us or harms us. We tend to want either revenge or for that person to grovel and beg forgiveness from us. We expect these conditions to be met before we will consider offering forgiveness. I used to think that was a justified approach, but I was wrong - VERY WRONG.

While it is important for us as sinners to repent of our sins fully before God, we as sinners ourselves cannot expect other sinners to repent first to US before we forgive them of their sins against us.

When Pope John Paul II went to the prison to fogive the man who shot and almost killed him - the man had not yet asked for forgiveness. In fact throughout their meeting the man expressed no remorse about the attack - only despair that he had "failed" in his mission. He was a professional assasin who had never "failed" to kill his target - up until that time. Can you imagine trying to forgive someone for trying to kill you - while they're talking incessantly about how much of a "failure" they are because you survived?! That did not deter JPII from HIS mission. The forgiveness he offered was not conditional. As Christian's we do not really have the right to demand apologies BEFORE offering OUR forgiveness. Our forgiveness of others is commanded of us by Christ.

My sins against God are far greater than any human being's sins against me. Yet Christ gave his life for my sins BEFORE I even had a chance to repent and ask forgiveness.

"For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die—but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation." (Rom 5:6-11)

When Christ was on the cross, he forgave the soldiers that crucified him - even though they had not YET asked for it. As we know from the Gospels, one of them confessed at the end "Surely this man was the Son of God." (Mark 15:39)

We plant seeds of faith for Christ everytime we braveley and cheerfully endure the pinpricks of daily life and abuse from other sinners. Sometimes we reap the harvest of seeds that others have sown before us. We cannot succeed with either mission (planting or harvesting) though if we hold on to tight to our own egos. We have to stop seeking the satisfaction of holding ourselves up as victims or demanding humble apologies from those that offend us. We will most likely never get these satisfactions - and if we ever do it will probably come at the cost of our real mission with that person.

We are called to be "salt of the Earth." (Matthew 5:13) For salt to be effective it must disolve and not be noticeable. If we will not let ourselves be unnoticeable, we cannot do the work of Salt.

When Saul was persecuting the early Christians, I'm sure there were many that prayed for his conversion. When they heard that he had encountered Christ on the way to Damascus, changed his name to Paul, and was now a full fledged Christian believer - they probably thought they'd get a personal apology for the persecution they had endured from him. Instead, he turned around and wrote several Epistles to THEM telling THEM to straighten up THEIR act. :)